She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
He said he's in to distance fucking. I thought he just mean long durations. We fucked on a towel all the way down his tile hallway accross his kitchen and into the living room
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
