FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
