Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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