please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Someone shattered a urinal.
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Most tragic bathtub-fart of all time. I am going to be late.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
