I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Next guy we share better have a little more dignity than that
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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