i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
