I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
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