I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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