We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Randomize
