No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
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