it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
Maybe the problem is guy has to ask his wife if he can go out to lunch with his girlfriend for an hour...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
Randomize
