he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
