my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
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Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
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I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
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