just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Michael Bay diarrhea
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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