Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
