i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
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