she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
