Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
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I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
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I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
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