did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
