It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
This toilet bowl is my home.
Randomize
