My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
let's have our labels/stereotypes/careers for each kid by next week.
oh how i love working at summer camp.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
