ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
Sooo sorry about that. And crying. And comparing my life to a duck
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
There's a cop, a pizza guy and a half naked girl outside along with a dog that I don't know. It feels like I walked into a Judd Apatow movie.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
