i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
