You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
