My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
This is classic penis vs brain.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
