Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
