last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Randomize
