dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Putting a breathalyzer in a bar is a horrible idea. But I won
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
