we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
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