Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just went to use the bathroom this morning and I couldn't because there was someone puking in every stall. i'm going to miss the dorms this summer
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
Randomize
