New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
We need to feng shui this bitch.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
It was funny for a while but 3 days later I still can't walk and I've constructed a diaper-like contraption to hold the ice pack on my vagina.
Randomize
