worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
