I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
That's what jaeger bombs out of teacups will do to you.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
PROBABLY?!! And here I was, about to buy you a glow-in-the-dark banana-flavored cock ring... Now I "probably" won't.
Randomize
