I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Pussy, Peanut Butter Cookies,and Bubble Wrap
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
