If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Not sure what happened last night, but I woke up without a shirt on and cereal glued to my boobs...
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
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