I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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