I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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