so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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