just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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