You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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