My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
