my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
