There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
You know, you have a good excuse now if you have a poor performance. Just say "what do you expect? I took a paintball to the DICK!!"
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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