awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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