How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
