i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
