Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
Randomize
