There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
at least i was responsible enough to take off my shoe and throw up in it
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
