So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
Randomize
