Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I woke up five hours later with a mouthful of Jimmy John's while clinging to my sandwich.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
