This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize
