wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
Randomize
