smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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