I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
2013: the year of legs covered in hair and pregnancy scares.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
