Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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