she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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