Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I am trying to figure out how to tell this kid i have a boyfriend in a way that still allows me to smoke free weed
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Randomize
