It's a law of Nature, girls naturally hate eachother. It's only when there's no competition for a mate that they can hate each other a little less and then are appropriated into the "BFF" slot.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
