She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
