Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
dude stop sending me pictures of your dick in weird places. i get it. you rock out with your cock out.
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
