The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
i just opened up my bathroom cabinet to get deodorant and found 4 bottles of natty. Its like the world wants me to miss this interview
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
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