when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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