i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
