I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
Randomize
