Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
