I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
