i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
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after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
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I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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