you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
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