sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
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So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
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