my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i barfeds in our rink
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
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