May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Randomize
