I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
Randomize
