Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
being pregnant is like rehab
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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