If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
