My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
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