Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
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