i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
